April 23, 2016

On giving up and letting go


"We leave something of ourselves behind when we leave a place, we stay there, even though we go away. And there are things in us that we can find again only by going back there." Pascal Mercier

"That quote is so touching, so relevant, because over the weekend, while we girls were in a strangers home, we had a long and serious conversation about our involvement in / with Equipt. We had all come, independently, to the decision that now is the time to close the door on this chapter of our lives. I think this is God's way of saying "stitch!" as He finishes the process of healing my heart, so I can go on to what is next for me."  That is what I wrote in my journal the day following our discussion with Adrean and Jessie about our decision to conclude our time with Equipt Youth ministry. 

It was with a mixture of sadness and expectation that I shared a small part of the journey towards this decision with the group Wednesday night.  It was one of the hardest decisions I have ever had to make, and I think my sisters would say the same thing.  We spent months agonizing, evaluating and analyzing what God was trying to teach us and tell us through this whole ordeal.  Even though no time would be a good time to walk away from something into which I have poured my soul and passion, because goodbye's are hard, and hurt people, this was the time.  

So I walk away, we walk away, not because we are angry or bitter over the whole situation, but because God has called us away, to other things.  And yes, it is hard and it hurts, but to stay would be disobedience and I don't want to fly in God's face just because it is uncomfortable or sad.  I lay awake the Wednesday night we shared our news with Adrean and Jessie, questioning if I had made the right decision, feeling all of the heart wrenching, gut punching sadness from last fall when I was so angry at God for what had happened to change our situation.  In the end though, I have an incredible reassuring peace which reminds me that I have made the correct decision, and nothing Satan tries to throw in my path will deter me from obeying God, now or ever.  

I am so grateful for all of what I have been able to experience with Equipt the last 16 months. God has shown me some incredible things, He has ministered to me through Adrean and Jessie, and the youth. I love each of you and my life has been made fuller, richer because our paths have crossed.

I look forward to the future, and as the saying goes "the best is yet to come!"

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Thank you for sharing!