May 4, 2015

I forgot

Writing, for me, is one of my only creative outlets, so I value it very much.  Since I am not an "artist" in really any other sense of the word, I find that through writing, my deepest soul-itch is satisfied.  But lately, I have felt as if my well were dry, empty.  As if I had expended all of my creativity on other things or projects which had used all of my resources and left me with nothing.

Have you ever felt that way?  Like a person dying of thirst, stuck in a wilderness, with no water in sight and no strength to make it to the next oasis?  

Sometimes in life we spend so much time and energy pouring out our lives into all kinds of things; good things, volunteer things, community things, family things, travel things, food things, busy things.  

But are they the best things we could be spending our time on?  Or are they just another 99 ways to stay busy, so we can say we have "a lot going on" and not feel guilty about our lives?  

Yesterday I was looking in the back of my journal, where I have a list I jotted down a while back, tallying all the ways I am busy, all of the things I am responsible for: 

  • House work / Cleaning / Cooking 
  • Yard work / Mowing / Gardening 
  • Worship team
  • Women's Group 
  • WNL / Worship leader / Youth Sponsor
  • Church cleaning 
  • School
  • Card ministry: WNL / Billy
  • Robert E. Lee Birthday parties 
  • Families Feeding Families 

There are a few more I'm sure which escape my memory currently, but those are my basic day to day, week to week, month to month, duties and responsibilities, and although they are all good, there are times I feel downright overwhelmed at how much I have stuffed onto my plate.  

I am tired.  My well is dry.  And I can tell that all this busy-ness is not good for my soul, never mind my body.  I am grouchy.  I am snappish and petty over things that don't matter.  I keep being insensitive and rude to my family members.  Why?  Because despite being so involved with lots of wonderful ministry opportunities, I am not taking enough time to minister to myself.  Essentially, I forgot what it looks like to have a balanced life, where God is most important, family next and everything else somewhere from the 3rd line down.  

That is one of the main reasons I haven't been on here much.  Why I haven't written extensively over the last month or so.  The thing I love about my blog is that, although I know I have readers, I don't really write for them.  I write for me, as a form of "therapy" if you will.  I love how I can "pick" up my blog or lay it aside at anytime, and nobody's feelings get hurt.  Yes, you all might miss me, but I ultimately have control over when and how much I am on here, and that keeps the fascination and mystery of writing alive for me.  

So if you don't see me on here much, could you say a prayer for me, that my well-being is found on God, and not on how many ministry programs or projects I am involved with?  Pray that I would stay focused on Jesus, and not forsake my First Love.  

Thank you friends.  Happy May!

2 comments:

  1. Dear Abby,
    I will be praying for you! Remember James 1:3-4 says,
    "Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing."
    May the Lord forever bless you and keep you in His safe and wonderful care. I love you!
    Love ~ S. F.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, dear S.F., that is a good reminder.

      I love you too, and I am so thankful for our friendship. :)

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Thank you for sharing!