May 3, 2013

Heart ponderings

{excerpts from Wed. April 24, 2013 journal entry}

"I am the True Vine, and My Father is the Vinedresser.  Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit He prunes, that it may bear more fruit."

John 15:1-3 

The essence of my life this past year, is probably a huge emptiness, sadness and confusion.  There have been so many times in the past 12 months I have asked God "what else do you want from me?"  And yet, I am blessed so abundantly, because sometimes God has to take a person to the end of their comfortability, in order to find out who He REALLY is!   And, even though the last year has been on the hardest and oddest for me, I can honestly say that I wouldn't trade it for anything.  The only thing I would change is my attitude and approach to all that has happened.

I have seen a hundred 'minor miracles' which at the time they occurred seemed huge!  The unexpected (but highly needed) gifts of money, which have been a tremendous blessing and boost as we've watched our finances decrease dramatically.  And yet, we have all learned to be content and thrive on far less!  I can say with Paul "I have learned in whatever state I am in, to be content."  (Philippians 4:11-13)

And my life has been enriched by the unique experiences I have been a part of.  Including my first home 'church' experience, where my family and two others, enjoyed deep, rich times of fellowship, Bible study, communal prayer, and mutual encouragement and challenge in our walks with Christ.  I changed, or re-adjusted more of my beliefs this year, than in my previous 21 years.  Rooting out dead or wrong thinking is tough and leaves one feeling raw and vulnerable.  Thankfully, God has bestowed upon me, and is continuing to bestow upon me, the grace and guidance to replace those "old" ways of thinking / believing, with new ones founded on Truth, alone.


Jesus, may I never shrink back from Your divine pruning, no matter how painful it may be at the time.  For, to be truly fruitful in and for Your kingdom, requires frequent pruning in order to glorify You with the fruit of my life.


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Thank you for sharing!